How television networks should really market themselves

Matthew Gilbert of The Boston Globe wrote an interestingly funny article back in November that I forgot to post until today.  In his article, Matthew writes, what if the networks and cable channels promoted themselves as they really are? He surmised that their names, slogans, and mission descriptions might look something like this. I've chosen a couple of my favorites.

NBC =  SDTV: Self-Destructive TV
We dig ourselves deeper into the hole!
At SDTV, we don’t fool around when it comes to ruining our network. By placing our future in the hands of personalities such as Howie Mandel, Donald Trump, and Jay Leno, we pretty much guarantee our own failure.

Bravo = GLBTv
For Grace and her favorite Will
Need some fabulous fashion advice? Want a lesson in trendy lingo? We know absolutely everything about clothes, real estate, and hair. Plus, we have Kathy Griffin. Let us be your gay best friend.

Fox News = Fox “News’’
Who cares if it’s true?
In our shop, we believe that too much value is placed on facts. We’d rather just go after anything that moves in that unbalanced, unfair, democratic, liberal, commie kind of way. You know what we mean. If you like screeds, we’ll be there for you.

You can read the full article here.