Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Life is what we make it or so the saying goes, but what happens when we give up on our aspirations and chalk them off as 'unrealistic'?  Its human nature to want more and question ourselves, but there is a big difference between happiness and something close to happiness.   

I'm writing this, because today I was catching up with a friend who no longer lives in Boston but was visting.  As long as I've known this individual they have never been aware of how truly special they are; perhaps it was that characteristic which initially gave me pause long enough for a friendship to formulate because we met in the most unorthodox of ways.

While catching up, my friend said something to the effect of, "I don't think you can have it all and I'm okay with that." By having it "all" I believe they meant being in love with someone who returned that feeling.  This friend has been dating someone who sounds very nice and considerate but who was not necesarily more intimate than a close friend. When pressed if my friend missed that initimacy the reaction was something akin to "its been so long since I've had that, and I'm content now - I think that would just complicate my life."

Oy - am I missing something? I've questioned myself plenty. I've wondered out loud (sometimes wistfully) what my life would be like with someone else, but I've never been resigned to my life with my partner.  This friend I speak about is incredibly intelligent and equally thoughtful. They have had more than their share of knocks, and I wonder if that is why they believe this is as much as they can hope for in a partner.

What does a good friend do in this situation?

I would sooner cut myself open than hurt this person, and I would never want them to break up and a few months down the road wish they had stayed together because they were alone and lonely.  Where are my single and unmarried friends?  What would you have said? What would you do?


Jen said...

Having been in that boat, and now single, lonely and alone, I would have suggested that he do everyone a favor and cut the guy loose so they both are free to find what ever they are looking for.

This is one of those cases where no matter what you say it will be wrong. Listen to him and support him in anything he chooses.

オテモヤン said...


Anonymous said...

Oy is right--this is a toughie. Your concern is wonderful, however, you can't live his life for him. Maybe he is content, after all. It may not be what you would choose for yourself, certainly, but that doesn't mean he isn't happy.

If he's actually unhappy, well, only he really knows. If someday he comes to you and asks your opinion on what he should do, then and only then would I say something. Otherwise, you could jeopardize your friendship.

Just my 2 cents...

BosGuy said...

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the perspective.