Gay or Straight?

If you meet someone for the first time and you find them attractive or interesting do you find yourself automatically assuming they are gay? I noticed and not for the first time that I do and it is terribly distracting.

Earlier this morning such a situation occurred. I was attending a class and I thought one of the guest speakers was quite charming. Within the first few minutes of his speaking, I found my attention wandering looking for clues to either affirm or challenge my assumption. My attention wandered from the subject matter - to how handsome he looked - back to the subject again - to how soothing his voice sounded and so on and so forth all the while quietly asserting or refuting my initial assumption that the speaker was gay.

I had no intention of flirting with the speaker, and I doubt I will see the person again. So why was his sexual orientation of such great interest to me and why does this happen? These situations never play out when I meet a woman. I never assume a sexual orientation or seek clues to validate my assumption. Although I’ve never asked any of my heterosexual male friends, I’m fairly confident that this is not something that crosses their mind. Make no mistake, they might fantasize about an attractive woman being a lesbian (I still don’t understand that fantasy), but I don’t believe they obsess over the ambiguity of an individual’s sexual identity.

I think part of the reason this happens is because on a very base / fundamental level, it is really hard for me to believe (ironically this only applies to people I’m attracted to) that they would not be gay. I always find myself wondering “How could they not be attracted to a man?” This is an odd epiphany, considering for years the gay community has asked the world to take note that sexual identity is not a choice and here I am confessing on some level, I would like these attractive men only (of course – how shallow is that) to reconsider – so to speak. Wishful thinking or not, I doubt these distractions of mine will subside – there is no easy way for me to intellectualize my sex drive.